


The End of the #$!@ing World

by Malana



Category: Doctor Who, Thick of It (UK)
Genre: Crossover
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-11-18
Updated: 2011-08-02
Packaged: 2017-10-13 06:28:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/134027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malana/pseuds/Malana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the end of the world and, much to his chagrin, Malcolm must call in reinforcements.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Phone Call

Malcolm Tucker did not like having to ask people for help. He especially didn't like to have to ask for help from people he loathed, which to be fair, was pretty much everyone. He glared at his phone, punching in the numbers hard enough to almost crack the screen.

He'd only met the smug big-eared bastard once, but he had no desire to repeat the experience. He just couldn't stand the idea of the man wandering his halls, with that stupid fucking leather coat and that damned screwdriver he kept pointing at things. Christ, he really hated him.

But the world was ending. And not in the Nicola and her merry band of fucking idiots at DoSAC have fucked up again way either. No, this was actual armageddon shite. And the PM was too proud to make the damned call, which meant the task fell to Malcolm.

He drummed his fingers impatiently on his desk as the phone rang and rang. He was not used to people keeping him waiting. The great Northern prick was probably doing it on purpose.

Malcolm was just about to hang up (or rather, fling his phone violently across the room) when someone finally picked up.

"Hello?"

Malcolm blinked, the voice on the other end of the line much more female and Scottish than he had been expecting.

"Who the hell is this?"

"Excuse me, rude angry man. But you're the one who called us!"

"Just put the leather-clad pansy on the phone, would you?"

"Who?" The woman sounded both angry and confused. "Who is this?"

"It's Malcolm fucking Tucker from the Prime Minster's Office, would you just put tell the fucking Doctor that he needs to teleport his stupid blue box here and stop the fucking world from exploding in a flaming ball of shit."

There was a long pause in which he heard the muffled voice of the woman relaying his message (minus much of the swearing), presumably to the Doctor.

"We'll be right there," she said, coming back onto the phone.

"Thank you ever-so-fucking much," Malcolm said. He sighed and hit the 'end call' button, but not before he heard her ask, "Did you really used to wear leather? How do you go from leather to tweed and bowties?" Malcolm suppressed a shudder.

It was going to be a long day.

\---------  
Coming up:  
Malcolm meeting the Eleventh Doctor; details of his previous encounter with Nine; Amy, Jamie and lots of shouting; Ollie's badly timed attempts at flirtation; oh! and the end of the world.


	2. Chapter 2

"He was quite rude on the phone."

Amy Pond perched on the edge of the control panel as she watched the Doctor punching various buttons and pulling seemingly random levers.

He paused in his work for a moment to glance at her. "Oh, he's quite rude in person as well."

"So you've met him before then, yeah?"

The Doctor nodded, absentmindedly rubbing his chin. "Yes, yes. I looked a bit different then."

"Would this be the leather he was talking about?" Amy looked him up and down. "I can't see you in leather."

"It was just the coat. " His tone had turned defensive. "Anyway it worked with that face."

"So tell me about him. And the Prime Minister"

There was a long pause. "This one isn't exactly Churchill."

Amy let out a snort. "Well, yeah. I know that much. I was thinking more on a personal level."

"I didn't really have much to do with him. I've mostly just dealt with Tucker."

"What's he like then? Besides sweary?"

"He's...quite frightening, actually."

Amy hopped down from the control panel as she felt the TARDIS begin to land.

"What could he possibly do that _you_ would be scared of him?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

The Doctor ran a hand through his hair, wavering slightly as he thought about it. "Nothing, really. Come to think of it. But he's very good at shouting."

"Shouting is scary? Shouting's not scary."

"Just wait." The Doctor insisted. "Anyway, we're here."

Amy rolled her eyes as she headed for the door. "Come on then. Let's go help the rude shouty man save the world."

_____________________

It had been a couple years since Malcolm had heard the VHRUMP VHRUMP of the Doctor's TARDIS, but it wasn't a sound he was likely to forget. He looked up from his desk to see the blue box materializing in the corner of the his office.

"Watch the fucking plant," he commanded as the door opened and a figure stepped out.

"Well, hello to you too. You're the guy I talked to on the phone, right? Nice to see you're just as pleasant in person."

He glared levelly at the tall red-head as she stepped carefully around his potted plant.

"Oh trust me, I'm much, much worse in person." He stood up, striding over to her. "You must be the bint I talked to on the phone."

"Amy Pond."

"How very lovely to meet you, now where the fuck in the Doctor?"

"Nice to see you again, Malcolm. Still ruling by terror, I see."

Malcolm looked at the young tweed-wearing man who stood in the TARDIS doorway.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Ah, yes. New face. It can be a bit confusing. But I'm the Doctor. Same man you met before...well, basically."

Malcolm was silenced for a moment at this. But he quickly waved it off. He didn't have time to deal with this shit. The man had a fucking time machine for Christ's sake, was he really going to start questioning him looking different. "New face and you pick one that looks like it's been hit repeatedly by a shovel. And is that a fucking bow tie?"

"Please don't get him started on the bow tie," Amy pleaded.

The Doctor adjusted said tie, shooting Amy a wounded look, muttering something about bow ties being cool.

"So," Amy said, in a attempt to change the subject as much as anything else. "What's all this about the end of the world, then?"

Malcolm let out a long, frustrated sigh. "Might as well come with me, I'll explain on the way," he said as he started out of the office. "It's all the fault of those useless shit-bags at DoSAC."


End file.
